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Writer's pictureAnne Keen

Unpacking Codependency: Building a Stronger Identity in Your 20s

Updated: Jul 27


Navigating the transition into adulthood is already a wild ride, but when you toss in codependency, things can get really interesting (and not always in a good way). Let’s unpack codependency and dive into how it impacts identity development and what you can do to reclaim your sense of self, all while keeping things light and relatable.


Understanding Codependency

First off, what is codependency? Imagine you’re the person who always puts others’ needs before your own, seeks validation like it’s going out of style, and can’t say no to save your life. Yep, that’s codependency in a nutshell. It's like having a constant sidekick, but instead of helping you, they’re just making everything more complicated (Lancer, 2016).


Impact on Identity Development

For young adults, this stage of life is all about figuring out who you are. Codependency can seriously mess with this process, making it hard to know where you end and others begin. You end up molding yourself to fit others’ needs, which can leave you feeling lost and unsure of your own identity (Knudson-Martin & Huenergardt, 2010).


Recognizing Codependent Patterns

Here’s a quick checklist to see if you might be dealing with codependency:

  • Struggle to set boundaries? Check.

  • Need constant approval? Double check.

  • Fear being alone? You bet.

  • Over-involved in others’ dramas? Guilty as charged.


If this sounds like you, don’t worry—you’re definitely not alone, and recognizing these patterns is the first step to making a change.


Strategies for Overcoming Codependency

  1. Therapy: Yup, talking to someone can really help. Therapies like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can guide you through understanding and changing these behaviors (Johnson, 2004).

  2. Self-Care: Make time for yourself. Whether it’s reading a book, taking a bath, or just chilling out, self-care helps you reconnect with your own needs.

  3. Setting Boundaries: This one’s tough but necessary. Start small by saying “no” to things that drain you and see how empowering it can be.

  4. Building Self-Esteem: Positive affirmations, celebrating your achievements (no matter how small), and focusing on what makes you happy can all boost your self-worth.


Building a Healthy Sense of Self

Developing a strong, independent identity means exploring your own interests, values, and goals. It’s about what makes you, well, you! Engage in activities that align with your true self and practice self-reflection to understand what you genuinely enjoy and believe in.


If you see yourself in these patterns and want to develop a stronger sense of self, professional help can be a game-changer. At Anne Keen Counseling, I specialize in helping young adults navigate these challenges and build healthier, more fulfilling lives. Ready to take the first step towards a more independent and empowered you? Contact me today to schedule an appointment!


References:
  • Johnson, S. M. (2004). The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Creating Connection. Brunner-Routledge.

  • Knudson-Martin, C., & Huenergardt, D. (2010). A Socio-Emotional Approach to Couple Therapy: Linking Social Context and Couple Interaction. Family Process, 49(3), 369-386.

  • Lancer, D. (2016). Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You. Hazelden Publishing.

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